Lipstick on a Pig, and Other Great Lipstick Sayings

Not that you need or want any political commentary from me, but I just had to address this issue - the now famous "lipstick on a pig" imaginary controversy.

For the record, it's obvious that Barack Obama was not referring to Governor Palin when he said "you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig." I mean, Palin's not even fat. She's less piglike than 95% of all politicians. Although she's somewhat piggish when it comes to consuming federal earmarks, from what I've read on the internet. Okay, fine. So maybe he was referring to her. But in a much less offensive fiscal sense, rather than the physical sense.

In any case, the phrase still got him into a lot of trouble.

I'm here to help Barack avoid the same mistake in the future. Lipstick analogies are great - we all know this. So it's difficult, if not impossible, to avoid using them on the campaign trail.

Thusly,

Other lipstick analogies that Obama could have used in reference to McCain-Palin's policies (or anything else, for that matter):


- You can put lipstick on a dog, but it will probably just try to eat the lipstick.

- You can put lipstick in the freezer, but due to the high water content, it will expand and crack it's casing - much like current day Russia.

- To put lipstick on a hamster can be accomplished, but it requires a very specialized, and very tiny tool.

- If you put lipstick on a shark, you're liable to lose your hand.

- Even if John McCain dressed in women's clothes, he'd still require a boatload of lipstick to look even halfway like my grandmother.

- The Adminstration's botching of the Iraq war: it's like one eye watching George Bush put lipstick on a snake, and the other eye watching a monkey try to fuck a football. Totally mindbending.

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