Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Tired of Losing Dough in the Stock Market?

Let’s say your portfolio includes AIG, Lehman, Freddie Mac, Fannie Mae, Merrill Lynch, and GM.

One year ago, these investments were worth tens of thousands.

Today? $5.27.

You’ve had it with this insane volatility. No more stocks. Dow Jones, Nasdaq, S&P 500. They all blow right about now.

A common tenet of the mainstream investment world states that there’s no such thing as a sure bet, with any sort of worthwhile upside. Of course, you could invest in US Savings bonds and get, like 1% interest – guaranteed by the full faith and trust of the US government. But that stuff’s bullshit. The bonds from my Bar Mitzvah are still maturing – almost 20 years later. Nobody has that kind of time horizon, except maybe for infants.

No, during times like these you need to look outside of the standard investment box.

You want something exciting, but fairly low risk. Something with serious upside, but minimal upfront commitment. Wholesome. American. An investment you can be proud of.

Buy a piece of my future fantasy sports earnings.

Your investment will return a portion of my league winnings in baseball, football, and possibly basketball (although I don’t really follow basketball very closely) in as little as one calendar year. You’ll also have the opportunity to invest in my weekly office football pools for both NFL and NCAA.

And of course, there are my March Madness brackets.

You can own a piece of it all – but only if you’re a shrewd investor.

Here’s how it would work, as I envisioned while brushing my teeth this morning:

1) You give me some money. Let’s say 500 bucks, but it’s ultimately up to you, I guess. I’ll make a note of it on a piece of paper so I don’t forget who gave me what.

2) I enter various fantasy sports leagues throughout the course of the year, using your money to pay my league fees and purchase premium subscriptions to online fantasy sports strategy websites. Additionally, I’ll use the money to enter some football pools and March Madness bracket competitions. I’ll also probably use the money to buy beer, snacks, and maybe a new pair of shoes.

3) Assuming I win most of my leagues, and do paranormally well in the pools and brackets, you will receive your entire investment back, plus a percentage of my winnings – minus a 5% management fee, 12% administrative fee, and 25% fuel surcharge (gas is expensive!!). Also, I will be keeping 40% of the total profits. It’s my brain doing all the winning, after all.

I’ve had some success in the past, wining a few fantasy football leagues, and finishing in the top 10 in a couple of football pools. So the track record is clearly there. Invest with confidence.

If you want in on this chance-of-a-lifetime investment opportunity, hit me back in the comments.

Note: Past performance is not necessarily indicative of future gains….or losses.

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1 comment:

Dennis said...

I love and hate fantasy football season!

As the Mill knows, I stress every day about my teams and how they are doing and how injured and sucky my players are.

I have a few championships under my belt and few grand in my wallet (IRS does not know).

I would not want investors because I would have to answer to people and I stress enough on my own!