Monday, September 29, 2008

Quick Debate Advice For Sarah Palin

(This is Part One in a series, to help prepare the Vice-Presidential candidates for Thursday's big debate. The second part will offer advice to Fightin' Joe Biden. That part will mostly consist of telling him to stop shouting.)

1) Don't mention your desire to start war with Russia.

2) No more Bridge to Nowhere - nobody gives a shit anymore.

3) Use adjectives to modify nouns, and not the other way around.

4) Limit use of the word "also" to 5 times per sentence. Also, don't end sentences with "also."

5) Try to think about the words you're about to say before unleashing them upon a baffled audience, and an angry Joe Biden.

6) Unceasingly stare at Biden. Gaze into his soul - or what little, shriveled, coal-black, abortion-loving, freedom-hating bit is left of it.

7) Again, don't mention that Bridge to Nowhere. I can't emphasize this enough.

8) Compliment Gwen Ifill's shoes. Ladies love that, especially coming from another lady.

9) Keep your cool, don't get angry, don't stick your foot in your mouth, or fly off the handle. That's Biden's game, and you have no right to use that strategy. How dare you even consider it.

10) Feed Trig BEFORE debate. Not during.

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