Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Monday Night Football - What Did I Do Wrong?

This post was originally entitled "How I Helped the Eagles Win on Monday Night: A True-to-Life Story."

But the Eagles did not win last night. They lost by 4 points to the Cowboys of Dallas. For a time, however, it looked as if they might achieve victory.

And things really turned around for them when I finally dug my authentic David Akers practice-worn (never washed) jersey from the depths of the closet, and pulled it over my head. I've always known that my indirect actions as a fan - many hundreds of miles away from the stadium or arena - have a direct effect on the outcome of my favorite teams' games.

But this was ridiculous.

After that mega-asshole T.O. scored on a long bomb, and Felix Jones ran a kickoff back for a touchdown, I knew I had to do something. The Eagles were down 14-6 in the first quarter. I had to do something. Oh yeah, my magic jersey. Why don't I put that on?

And so I did.

On the next drive, the Eagles' Asante Samuel intercepted a Tony Romo pass. They then quickly drove down the field - with the help of a totally bullshit pass-intereference call against the Cowboys - and scored a touchdown. On the ensuing kickoff, the 'Boys bobble the ball and recover at their 4-yard line. After a false start, they're at their own 2.

Next snap, Romo bobbles the ball, loses it in the end zone, Eagles recover for another touchdown.

Clearly, me wearing the jersey has turned the tide. It's now 20-14.

After that, the lead changed hands several more times, with sweet play after sweet play. Deep passes, strong runs, and ridiculous escapes by Donovan McNabb were all partly due to me wearing that jersey.

I was confident. And you could see that confidence reflected in my team's faces. Even curmudegeonly coach "Fat" Andy Reid was seen smiling.

How did the Eagles lose? Poor play calling? Fumble by Brian Westbrook in the final minutes of the game? I guess those things may have played a role. But don't forget - I was wearing the jersey the entire second half.

So I'm not really sure what went wrong. The only thing I can figure is that some distant Cowboys fan had a lucky jersey AND a really lucky hat. Or maybe even lucky socks. Or he put a lucky Cowboys sweatshirt on his bulldog. That would be cute. And lucky.

Maybe I need to get myself a dog, and have HIM wear the jersey.

It's worth a shot. Super Bowl XLIII, here we come!!!

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Unknown said...

I was at a bar watching the game with a childhood friend of mine from Dallas. We were outnumbered–there were lots of Philly folks, including the one other person in the world who owns an Akers jersey, and who would strut around the bar after every extra point kick.

The pivotal point in the game was when I stopped watching on the 30" flat screen above the bar and turned my head 20 degrees to the lucky projection screen and started watching it there. The thought that something as trivial as a kicker's jersey could have any effect on the outcome of the game is ridiculous.

Also, did you know that the Eagles have a lame-ass fight song that is sung to the tune of the Columbia Lions' fight song? If you're going to steal a fight song, steal it from a team that's had a winning record in the past couple of decades.

How 'bout them Cowboys?

The Mill said...

You might find it hard to believe, but my Akers jersey is more magical than you turning your big head to look at an old, out-of-date projection TV.

Sorry for the venom. Your head is normal size. I hate the Cowboys.

Dennis said...

The tide really turned when I kept referring to the Eagles as the 'Phillies'.

I know that gets the Mill the most!