Thursday, October 09, 2008

Halloween 2008 - What to Wear?

Year after year, I seem to find myself in the same position. Mid-October, the end of the month hurtling towards me like a meteor. And guess what? I’ve got no idea what I’m going to wear for Halloween.

It’s a real nightmare.

This year is no different. In the recent past I’ve come up with some fantastic ideas, if I do say so myself. The costumes were timely, generally tasteful, and flawlessly executed.

Along with my Halloween partner in crime, Greg, we’ve been Venus and Serena Williams (I was Serena, obviously). We’ve done the Ambiguously Gay Duo. And we teamed up as the communist trio - along with our friend Dan - as Fidel Castro, Che Guevarra, and yours truly as Kim Jong-Il.

I’ve also dressed up as Matlock - the lovable, elderly TV lawyer; a kissing booth - complete with coin slot; and The Flash - aka, the fastest man alive, and a great excuse to wear a pair of red tights. And then there was my Borat costume – 2 years before the movie came out. I am a true trailblazer. And a maverick.

A few others that have worked out well: The Incredible Hulk. A dog. A magician. A bearded lady. Although truth be told, I dressed up as a bearded lady a few weeks BEFORE Halloween. That’s a story for another time, perhaps.

Immediately recognizable, and totally entertaining for everyone involved.

So in the past, I’ve been able to pull something together within the final days and weeks before Halloween. But this year, I’m just not sure.

To give you some sense of my troubles and frustration, I think my best idea so far is a naughty Catholic schoolgirl. I’m a size 12 or 14, which would be one awfully big schoolgirl.

I'll need to work out 15 times a day to have any hope of squeezing my fat ass into this sexy outfit.

Jaimi and I also discussed dressing up as McCain and Palin. I guess she would be Sarah Palin. But I have a couple reservations. First, won’t there be like hundreds of Sarah Palins walking around that night? And secondly, how the fuck do I get my hair to look like McCain’s? He’s not just bald, and he’s not just gray. He has a terrible Biden-like combover. How do you simulate McCain Hair accurately, without spending hundreds of dollars for a professional job?

It’s true that I have 3 weeks to come up with something. Many of my previous costumes were thrown together at the last minute - so if I have an idea by, let’s say, 6pm on Halloween, then we’re still good.

Any ideas? If I end up wearing something you suggest I promise to take pictures and post them on the site. So maybe this should just be called the “What Do You Want to See The Mill Wear?” competition.
Provocative. Seductive. Humorous. Regal. Athletic. Revealing. Fabulous. Anything goes.

Your help in making this Halloween the best one ever is much appreciated.

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Anonymous said...

How about dressing yourself as your dad? You know, that boyish aged look with just a bit of haggardness.
-Another Mill

The Mill said...

Although my father is recognizable around the neighborhood - the supermarket, the deli, the fitness center, and the police station - I'm not sure it would work as a costume.

"Hey Mill, what's your costume?"

"I'm a fine, older gentleman from Philadelphia. Otherwise known as my dad."

"Oh....I don't get it."

Tahnie said...

I stumbled onto your blog and have loved reading it ever since. You're quite the funny guy.

I had to share this link because I always have the same problem for halloween and this year I now have a ton of ideas.

My husband and I are thinking about the publishers clearing house idea.


The Mill said...

Tahnie, thanks for the link. And for the suggestion. And for your support. And for ever visiting my blog in the first place.

I like the Publishers Clearinghouse idea. Not too complicated, inexpensive, instantly recognizable, and easy to pull off while drunk. Also, even if you lose the giant check, it's not like anyone could cash it without a valid ID.

Jaimi and I are probably going to be Peter Pan and Tinkerbell. I know, I know - big deal. I guess the only twist will be that I'm going to be Tinkerbell. That's right - magic dust and all. I fully expect to see a unicorn on Halloween night. A magical evening is in store - if I don't get my ass kicked by a bunch of frat guys dressed up as naughty Catholic school girls.