Monday, June 23, 2008

High Gas Prices Means Less Beer?

High gas prices – they totally blow, right?

Well, my car gets about 35 mpg, so I don’t really care too much. But even so, I can imagine how those of you with personal tractor trailers or 18 passenger vans could be well injured by the skyrocketing prices – if you drive more than 200 miles every day, that is.

Think about it. If gas were 1 or 2 dollars less per gallon, how much money would you really save on a weekly or monthly basis?

Allow me to use myself as an example.

I drive 40 miles to work each way, an average of 4 days per week. That’s 320 miles per week. Account for the occasional 5 mile ride to Costco, a 12 mile trip to the Bronx to stock up on some crack (just kidding Mom!), and the already planned 2 AM joy ride down the Jersey Turnpike when the Phillies win the World Series this year – and we’re looking at less than 350 miles per week.

That’s 10 gallons in gas – about 45 bucks at today’s prices. No doubt about it, this $4.50/gallon gas most definitely sucks. But last year at this time, I still would have paid about 30 bucks per week for gas.

Is that extra $15 per week really keeping me from doing all the amazing things I was able to do last year – such as driving my 8 mpg Ferrari from Maine to Miami every weekend, while feeding Dom Perignon to $1200/hour hookers, wearing nothing but kobe beef bras and solid platinum hot pants? (To be clear, that’s what I’m wearing, not the hookers.)

Don’t be ridiculous. Kobe beef is super-expensive no matter what the price of oil.

But seriously, I understand the frustration that comes with soaring gas prices. I fill up at least once a week.

My point being, is this really the worst of our problems? Or is it an excuse to complain, and divert our attention from the real problems associated with the looming energy crisis.

Let me help put things in perspective.

It's been all over the news lately - at least the news that I read. And my greatest fear is becoming a reality. Beer prices are on the rise, and will continue to rise as long as the cost to transport beer's main ingredients - barley and hops and magical goodness - keeps going up.

And since grains, hops and magic all travel by truck, that means gas prices will continue to hit me directly where it really fucking hurts - my beer budget.

The only answer? Grow your own hops and barley on the roof, and brew beer in your basement or bathtub.

This, my friends, is how best to tackle the oil/beer crisis of 2008.

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Anonymous said...

Mill, your carbon footprint is still way to big.

The Mill said...

I'm working on it. I got rid of my great granddaddy's coal-fired vacuum cleaner.