Monday, June 09, 2008

Beware Of ATM Fraud, My Friends

The Mill A Victim Of Identity Theft?

Well, not quite.

I’m not so sure anyone could effectively simulate my unique combination of insecurities, impeccably ironed clothes, and offbeat sense of morality. They could try to steal my identity, but I’m pretty confident that any half wit at the bank, or the DMV, or wherever would know that this is a Mill impersonator, and not the genuine article.

No. My identity was stolen. But my ATM info was.

Not kidding.

I ran a routine check of my bank account today and noticed a tiny, little, almost imperceptible transaction that just seemed a little out of place. Did I really spend $24 at Old Navy last week for 3 pairs of pants, 2 shirts, and 4 bathing suits?

Okay fine. That purchase was authorized.

Oh wait a minute. What about the $500 ATM withdrawal from the Bank of Montreal last week? Seems like an awful lot of cash to take out of any ATM. Not to mention, the last time I was in Canada (basically the only place you’ll find a Bank of Montreal ATM) was…..let’s see…..Never.

I’m not sure what’s more embarrassing: The fact that I’ve never been to Canada, or that someone stole my ATM card info and withdrew a half a G without my knowledge.

In any case, Wachovia’s fraud department was very helpful. They not only quickly canceled my card and refunded my money, but also offered some insight into how the crooks may have captured my card info (thus perhaps inspiring my readers to try it themselves).

It’s called “ATM Skimming,” and it’s been around for a number of years – mostly in places where there are no laws or police. Apparently though, this crime has made it to the shores of Brooklyn.

The evildoers simply install a card-reading device on the front of the ATM, which looks like the regular card slot – camouflaging its presence. The unsuspecting, handsome, smart, and lovable patron is victimized when he uses the ATM as normal, as the attached device reads the information from his card and transmits it to the evildoers. Simultaneously, a camera records the user’s PIN as he types on the keypad.

Some asshole puts a phony front on the ATM, enabling the jerk-off and his dickhead friends to steal my ATM info. What a cockface this guy must be.

I bet this is the same jackass who put that fake card slot on the ATM. Now the fucker is installing a tiny camera so that he and his douchebag buddies can straight up plagiarize my PIN. What a bunch of shit-eaters.

It’s basically as heinous as murder, although instead of the victim being killed, their bank account is brutalized.

It didn’t feel good.

But I’m better now, and dealing with the aftermath.

From now on, I’ll pay closer attention to any suspicious-looking attachments on the front of the ATM, and check for any small spy cameras within sight of the ATM keypad.

Beyond that though, it’s mostly back to business as usual – which includes writing my social security number and mother’s maiden name on my forehead, and opening every single email attachment I receive…especially those from Zimbabwe and Thailand asking for help transferring money.

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Dennis said...

Real justice would be that the ATM scammers somehow gets scammed themselves.

Money taken out of a MILL ATM machine! ;)

The Mill said...

Yeah, I'll hunt them down. Don't worry. The Mill is out for revenge.

When he finds them, he WILL hurt their feelings. Badly.