Monday, June 16, 2008

10-Year College Reunion Recap

I’ve given myself a full week to mull over the results of my 10-year reunion.

I pretty much think it was a success – albeit a slightly depressing, humbling, and uncomfortably humid success.

It was exciting to be back on campus, and to see many familiar faces from my bygone college days – those legendary days of yore.

There was the time I drained an entire keg of beer into my mouth and then tore the keg in half with my teeth.

Additionally, I scored straight A’s in all of my courses, while a triple major in Particle Physics, Multivariable Linear Algebra, and Far East Asian Women’s Studies, with a minor in Raucous Ridiculous Partying.

Or so I’ve been telling people for the last 10 years.

But if the 10 year reunion taught me one thing, it’s that a lot of people that I went to college with now live in New York, and some of them even live very close to my apartment in Brooklyn. And there seems to be a pretty damn good chance that we’ll run into each other at some point – either socially or professionally.

Basically, I’m just worried that I could get called out by one of my classmates for one of my tall tales, and get in a shitload of trouble.

So, no more tall tales of my college adventures. I’m going to tell it like it really was - I studied more than I would have liked, and met fewer girls than I care to admit. Also, I didn’t dress very well, and my hair was way too short.

There, I said it.

Before I get to the reunion itself, I need to pause for a moment to give shout outs to a couple of my bros whose names rarely appear on the internet.

Mike May and Rich Seltenrich – this Bud’s for you. And cheers to their lovely wives, Tierney and Elizabeth. Thank God someone’s willing to put up with their incessant bullshit and whining. It was touch and go throughout college, and for several years thereafter.

I’d also like to congratulate Brian Lavery for finding an Irish wife to go along with his Irish accent (he grew up in Greenwich, CT).

The most notable observation from my college reunion is that most people look basically the same as before. The last 10 years have been fairly kind to my classmates.

Sure, there are a number of guys who’ve shaved their heads in some weak attempt to hide their hair loss. And then there are those who’ve discovered a shockingly successful weight loss program and/or have undergone a successful gastric bypass procedure (Keegan Walden falls into both of these categories).

But all in all, the Class of ’98 has exercised regularly, avoided being burned by hot oil in a fryer accident, liberally applied sunblock, and eaten a sufficient amount of Vitamin C to avoid scurvy.

Well done, my friends.

We may not all be successful business people, published authors, or professional athletes (although I do have this super-hot blog, ranked 2,230,976 in Alexa rankings) but we’ve all managed to successfully take care of our bodies and faces.

If you’re wondering, I myself follow a strict routine of avoiding direct sunlight, and keeping my body chilled to 68 degrees, by staying in air-conditioned buildings as much as possible.

With hair plugs and a carefully fitted control-top girdle, I should be able to maintain the same youthful appearance 15 years from now.

And that, after all, is what’s really important.

25th reunion, here I come!!

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