Saturday, March 01, 2008

Time Travel in "Lost" And Writing Letters To Myself

This past week’s episode of “Lost” completely blew my mind.

My mind has been blown to smithereens, with figurative bits of the gray, spongy stuff on the ceiling, walls, and my new sweater. Also, there’s a bit of brain on my favorite coffee mug – I was enjoying a hot chocolate as I watched the show.

I really can’t emphasize enough how my brain was liquefied by the intense plotline, and then forced out of my ears by all the mind-bending twists, turns, flashbacks, and flash forwards.

Unfortunately, after the show was over, I can’t say I’m any closer to deciphering the secrets of the island. All I know is that I still have a headache from all the face melting, brain shattering action.

However, I can say for certain that it got me to thinking about time travel – because that’s, arguably, what the entire episode dealt with.

I don’t necessarily believe that we’ll ever build a time machine – and if we do, it won’t be for many, many years (at least 4 or 5).

In any case, if I’m ever sent back in time, it will be either accidentally (trip and fall into a wormhole), or purposefully (as a postal service agent sent back in time to destroy all those “Forever” stamps so that people have to buy the new, $250.00 stamps).

But for now, with no time machines lying around, all I can do is utilize what’s left of my mind to imagine the future – and send a series of possibly prophetic notes to my future self via this website.

Dear Mill (you legally changed your name from “Scott” in 2016),

It’s you writing to you. The year is 2008, and I’m ready to wow you with some Nostradamus-like predictions.

I’ve always fancied myself a futurist/prophet of sorts. And after you read this, and distribute to a few of the top international media outlets (“ESPN, The 3-D Holographic Retinal Implant,” “Teen People,” “Olsen Twins High Technology Investor’s Business Digest,” and maybe the Republicrat stalwart, “The Newark Metroplex Times”) others around the world will know your name and bow down before you.

By the time you read this, New York City will be underwater. But what might surprise people in 2008, is that we do it on purpose. Nothing to do with global warming – which people continue to ignore for decades, and keep saying they’ll do something about it “next year,” along with finally fixing that leaky faucet, and re-sealing the driveway.

President Arnold Schwarzenegger thought it would be pretty awesome to have a huge underwater city to serve as the largest tourist attraction on the planet.

He’ll be right on that. Underwater New York will be totally kickass.

You see, future-Mill, after all the oil runs out (in 2024), the Middle East will be forced to fall back on another industry in order to support their lavish lifestyles.

Around that time, Dubai gets totally out of control with tourism – an industry they’ve been developing as far back as 2004.

The Dubai-nese - as they prefer to be called, after China buys their entire country in 2009 – decide to build a mountain slightly taller than Everest in the middle of the Arabian sea. The mountain will be completely enclosed in a dome, and covered in snow. Next to this artificial mountain, will be a 15,000 room ski lodge, complete with a hot tub that can accommodate more than 1,000 tired, aching skiers all at once.

You might be thinking that a hot tub filled with 1,000 sweaty humans would not only be incredibly nasty, but also an astoundingly efficient breeding ground for numerous communicable diseases and parasites.

You’d be stone-cold correct on both counts.

The place closes down after 2 years, and 200,000 cases of Gonorrhea.

But during the short lifetime of “Jumbo-Extreme Super-Size Ski Dubai,” a new sort of Cold War begins – the battle to rip-off tourists, in bigger and more creative ways than ever before.

The years between 2024 and 2030 witness a prodigious explosion of development in the tourism industry. “Bigger is ALWAYS better.” That’s their mantra.

Massive luxury resorts the size of Cleveland. Huge man-made islands the size of Kentucky. Wave pools the size of Lake Okeechobee.

It’s ridiculous, but great last-minute travel deals will always be available on Priceline and Expedia - year-round, all across the planet. We’re talking insane deals here, future-Mill.

So enough prognosticating for now. I need to return to the present, and focus on important things like what’s for dinner? And what’s for dessert? And what will I eat tomorrow?

Too many questions, not enough time. I’ll be sure to write back later with some more forecasts of the world to come. You won’t believe how accurate this shit will be.

It will blow your mind. I mean my mind…..I mean….my future mind…..or something.

Whatever. See you later.

- The Mill"


Dennis said...

I am gonna look you up Scott in 2016 and your name better be Mill.

Oh yeah, your new picture is dreamy.

So serene and peaceful....just before a big wave hits you from out of nowhere!

The Mill said...

Dennis, thanks for liking my new picture! I hope to have a different one up each month.

By the way, I still owe you your "Got Mill?" t-shirt. I promise you'll get it before 2016.