Sunday, March 02, 2008

Tiger Woods-Flavored Gatorade?

Gatorade announced an endorsement deal with Tiger Woods last fall. Finally, the wait is over.

Tiger-flavored Gatorade is now available at your favorite bodega or super market!

Tastes like Tiger?

I bought some around 2am this morning at a small grocery store at 14th St. and Avenue B. This is also where I buy my Mega Millions tickets and six-packs of beer. In short, they sell everything I need in order to survive.

Three flavors will eventually be available, although this particular store only had "Quiet Storm" in stock (shown above). Here's my new product review:

The black and white label shows a sort of sepia-toned image of Tiger pumping his fist in victory. I believe this image is the photographic negative of the picture shown below. Gatorade did a nice job of cropping the image so that the shopper is struck by Tiger's energy and emotion.

You can almost taste the fruity flavors of victory.

When you first see the bottle in person, all aglow in the refrigerated display case, it's like a nine-iron to the groin - you're left shocked and breathless for a moment.

I couldn't help thinking, "This Tiger guy's a winner, and maybe, if I drink this product, I will win something as well - and finally be happy."

The murky, purplish-gray liquid is, in fact, a little reminiscent of a quiet storm. It could also be seawater from a particularly algae-rich region of the ocean. Or maybe some sort of industrial run-off. In any case, it’s eye-catching. Again, nice job Gatorade.

The color reminds you of an ominous thunderhead slowly rolling over the horizon on a lazy summer Sunday. The humid air, thick with the heat of July, makes your Tiger Woods Nike golf shirt cling to your chest and back. That’s right, you’re playing golf with your buddies. A passing thunderstorm doesn’t sound like such a bad thing right about now; with it, you know a cooling breeze will follow.

Take a sip of Tiger’s “Quiet Storm” and you can almost feel the first few heavy, cool raindrops plunk off your Tiger Woods Nike golf cap, and roll down your neck. However, walking down the street in Lower Manhattan, I certainly hope that whatever liquid just hit me on the head and neck was indeed water.

The flavor, disappointingly, doesn’t taste at all like Tiger Woods – or how one might imagine any pro golfer would taste. It doesn’t even remind me of golf – metallic, grassy, or sandy. None of these notes are particularly prevalent.

Rather, this particular vintage of Gatorade “Quiet Storm” has a youthful, fruity nose with hints of black cherry, spice, vanilla, sulfur, and eucalyptus. It’s a medium-bodied sports drink with light acidity and good balance. The fruity palate features green apple, peach, and grape flavors, with a touch of gasoline and wet cement. The intense, marine finish comes with a strong alkaline aftertaste of freshly fertilized farmland.

The label describes it as, “A refreshingly focused blend of grape flavors.”

I won’t argue with that description.

I guess I could just as easily describe the taste as “grape-ish.”

In any event, I look forward to more athlete-inspired formulations from Gatorade. And I recommend Gatorade's Tiger Woods "Quiet Storm" flavor.

It quenched my thirst and rehydrated my soul.


Dennis said...

wow, you should do copy for advertisement products.

Like long versions of copy for advertising products!

The Mill said...

I could probably do the copy on Costco-sized containers of laundry detergent or dog food. Those have enough space for me to really work my advertising copy magic.

Candid Carrie said...

I found your blog while doing a little bit of digging for my blog tomorrow. Very clever description of the flavor!

Nice blog, way cool commentary on the product and the questionable drippings of New York. Enjoyable read, I'd give you two thumbs up!

The Mill said...

Thanks Carrie!

I hope to get a chance to review many more Tiger Woods-flavored items.