Monday, June 01, 2009

The Mill's Judicial Philosophy

Whether or not Judge Sonia Sotomayor passes muster with the Senate, and becomes Justice Souter’s replacement on the highest court in the land, there will be other opportunities. There will come a day when the President searches for a moderate, well-read (Lord of the Rings trilogy, Freckle Juice, Batman – a book based on the movie, etc.) thoughtful, and completely legally inexperienced citizen to take a place on the Supreme Court.

After all, who would know better as to what an appropriate interpretation of the Constitution is, than a casual humor blogger.

In other words – President Obama, when do I get my shot at one of them Supreme Court gigs? My judicial philosophy is as follows: “ I’m here to drink beer, write blogs, interpret laws, and kick some ass. And it looks like we’re all out of beer, and also all out of blog writing.”

I think I’d hold my own during the Senate confirmation hearings. A piece of cake.

Abortion? Let the states decide. Gay marriage? Let the states decide. Praising Jesus in schools? That one doesn’t much concern me right now. Just don’t make my kids worship any idols.

But a playoff system in college football? I’m all over this one. And I’m ready to write a 500 page court decision on it.

I guess my main problem with Sotomayor is, we don’t how she’d rule on college football playoffs and when or if she’d even want the current bowl system to be overhauled – when it inevitably goes to the Supreme Court for a decision, of course.

In my eyes, we have two choices: 1) give me Souter’s spot on the bench, or b) grill Sotomayor like there’s no tomorrow during her confirmation hearings – and make sure that I’m comfortable with her answers regarding college football playoffs.

Oh, and also, I want to be sure that she’s okay with allowing dogs to serve as substitute teachers in public high schools. This is a new one I just came up with, and has a lot to do with my new “Equal Rights, Whether Two Legs or Four” initiative. Which I also just came up with this minute.

I’m sure you’ll agree this is all very important stuff, and we need to be absolutely sure we choose the right blogger, er, I mean person for the job.

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