Friday, June 12, 2009

Swine Flu Update: A Pandemic Means Time to Party

Cool! My first pandemic. This is AWESOME!!

It’s a worldwide flu party, and everyone’s invited. Everyone, of course, except for those with compromised immune systems, or other serious pre-existing health conditions which may lead to a weakened immune system. If you came to this party, there’s a good chance you’d die. So please stay away from the party. The rest of us promise to take plenty of pictures and record video of all the action.

But if you’re a normal person, with a normal constitution, then you’re heartily invited. Leave your hospital masks at home and hop on the subway. Sidle up to that lovely lady who just sneezed all over the place. Take a drink from the same cup as that guy who just had a coughing fit. And go kiss a pig - thank the porcine playmate for carrying this wonderful virus for so many years, before it mutated enough to leap into the human population with reckless abandon.

This flu virus is here to party!! And it doesn’t discriminate. Black, white, Puerto Rican, and Haitian. Jew and gentile. Dog lover and cat lover.

It’s free, and something you can give to your friends. They’ll be thanking you for weeks. Swine flu makes a great gift:

“Happy Birthday Tom!! Here’s some swine flu for ya!!”

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