Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Mother’s Day – You MUST Be Nice to Mom on This Day

With Mother’s Day rapidly approaching, it’s a good time to reflect on what Mom means to each of us.

We love her. We adore her. She’s the best.

This is all true. So what’s with all the Mom jokes during the rest of the year? Even if your Mom is, in fact, very fat and/or very ugly and/or very stupid, it’s never appropriate to make derogatory Mom jokes. And especially during the Mother’s Day season, it’s entirely unacceptable.

We should take this time to celebrate Moms, to honor Moms, and to give Moms a day off from cooking, cleaning, and caring for their children. Give them a break, in other words, from the terrible physical and emotional anguish they may suffer from during the rest of the year.

Even so, I couldn’t help but notice your Mom’s so fat she’s on BOTH sides of the family.

Your Mom’s so fat, she got hit by a bus and said, “Ouch! Who threw that stone?!?”

Your Mom’s so ugly, when she was born, they spanked her face.

And so on, and so forth, into eternity.

This year, however, let’s start with a new breed of Mom jokes. These jokes won’t be particularly funny – mostly because they won’t be offensive to anyone. And instead of making fun of Moms’ deficiencies, they will celebrate all of Mom’s positive attribute(s).

For example:

- Your Mom’s such a great cook, she makes the most delicious soufflé I’ve ever tasted!

- Your Mom’s so smart, she can solve for x AND y using only one equation!

- Your Mom’s so elegant, she can make Wal-Mart clothes look like Vera Wang!

- Your Mom’s in such great shape, she looks 30 years younger than she actually is!

- Your Mom’s such an excellent driver, she could easily avoid a collision during Manhattan rush hour traffic, AND make it to JFK airport in record time. In other words, she should drive a cab, instead of waste her time cleaning up after your sorry ass.

Truly, the possibilities are endless. Or at least as endless as the number of Moms on this planet.

Although these “jokes” aren’t really funny in any way, they will make Mom smile. And that’s all that really matters.

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