Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I Heart Sleep

Sleep is, perhaps, my favorite thing in the whole wide world. If it’s not my favorite, then it’s pretty damn close.

I also like beer. And long walks on the beach.

But sleep is…..special.

I can never get enough of it. I could do it any time of day. It often happens while driving a car or operating heavy machinery. To sleep is to dream. To dream is to live. And so on.

Basically, sleep is awesome. But why make something so good, such a monumental waste of time? At least if I’m watching a movie, I can also pick up trash or fold some laundry. If I’m eating ice cream, I could simultaneously solve a crossword puzzle or learn some math. And while playing with the dog, I get some exercise or learn more about the tendencies, thought processes, and various emotional states of dogs.

But while sleeping?

I can drool. My arm can go numb. I can get a foot cramp. I can stop breathing.

Some other activities available to me while sleeping: snoring, converting sugars into fat, bladder-filling, nose-running, hair-growing, etc., etc.

So why the hell did God make it so goddamn good? Why, just writing about sleep makes my eyelids heavy….dsgat laft fga jag; fghlr y,6.

Sorry, I just dozed off for an hour or two. That last sentence was my face hitting the keyboard. Anyway, where was I? Uh oh. Here comes the Sandman again.

C6x5ki6i rt rrtaim

Okay, that one was just a little catnap. I’m feeling refreshed, and ready to begin the process of preparing myself for bed. And with that, another 7 or 8 hours of blissful slumber.

Hypomanics and workaholics shun fatigue, and say, “You can sleep when you’re dead.”

I say, “You bet your ass I’ll sleep when I’m dead. But I’ll also sleep tonight into tomorrow morning. I’ll sleep after lunch. I’ll sleep in the bathroom around 3pm, and again around 6pm before I head out to the parking lot for a nap in my car. Then after I return home, I’ll sleep again as my body succumbs to its natural Circadian rhythm around 7pm, before waking at 8am and starting the whole, beautiful cycle anew.”

But really, I don’t sleep nearly that much. I just sometimes dream that I do. Unfortunately, I have to hold down a full-time job, and some semblance of a social and family life. And I just can’t get much of that done while asleep.

If you know of any jobs that involve mostly sleep, please let me know.

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