As you probably assumed, I haven’t put my new iPhone down since I got it on Friday. I’m truly, madly in love with it. How do I know for sure?
- I would save it from a burning building.
- I’ve bequeathed it my Great Grandfather’s name, as a middle name.
- I’m thinking of buying it a car seat.
- I frequently let it out of my pocket so it can get plenty of air.
- I don’t charge the battery for long periods of time – I’m worried that the plug may cause some discomfort.
- My fiancée is jealous as hell, and I'm afraid she may try to flush it down the toilet or boil it in a pot of water.
While we’re at it, let me hand out a particularly fresh and funky brand of kudos to Apple for shipping the iPhone on time - so that I didn’t have to even consider waiting in line with a bunch of Star Wars geeks at a physical store. Home activation was 100% seamless, and it was a cinch to transfer all the info from my old phone to the new one.
To be clear, my love for Apple is different than my love for the iPhone. It’s more of a love-at-a-distance type of feeling - like how you might feel love for Bo Obama, even though you know you’ll never get to meet him.
But the iPhone feeling, well, that’s as near as the smell of summer dew in the morning. It’s close to your heart, like your hometown, or memories of a childhood friend. It’s a leisurely drive along the coast, and a night of fireworks down at the pier. It’s your favorite food and your favorite movie. It’s all of these things.
But it’s also not at all sexual, lest you think I’m some kind of iPhone freak. That would be as unnatural as a Twinkie.
Anyway, my full review of the new iPhone is forthcoming. I’m trying to find something that I don’t like about it in order to keep my review fair and balanced.
Monday, June 22, 2009
iPhone 3GS Update - True Love
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
I Heart Sleep
Sleep is, perhaps, my favorite thing in the whole wide world. If it’s not my favorite, then it’s pretty damn close.
I also like beer. And long walks on the beach.
But sleep is…..special.
I can never get enough of it. I could do it any time of day. It often happens while driving a car or operating heavy machinery. To sleep is to dream. To dream is to live. And so on.
Basically, sleep is awesome. But why make something so good, such a monumental waste of time? At least if I’m watching a movie, I can also pick up trash or fold some laundry. If I’m eating ice cream, I could simultaneously solve a crossword puzzle or learn some math. And while playing with the dog, I get some exercise or learn more about the tendencies, thought processes, and various emotional states of dogs.
But while sleeping?
I can drool. My arm can go numb. I can get a foot cramp. I can stop breathing.
Some other activities available to me while sleeping: snoring, converting sugars into fat, bladder-filling, nose-running, hair-growing, etc., etc.
So why the hell did God make it so goddamn good? Why, just writing about sleep makes my eyelids heavy….dsgat laft fga jag; fghlr y,6.
Sorry, I just dozed off for an hour or two. That last sentence was my face hitting the keyboard. Anyway, where was I? Uh oh. Here comes the Sandman again.
C6x5ki6i rt rrtaim
Okay, that one was just a little catnap. I’m feeling refreshed, and ready to begin the process of preparing myself for bed. And with that, another 7 or 8 hours of blissful slumber.
Hypomanics and workaholics shun fatigue, and say, “You can sleep when you’re dead.”
I say, “You bet your ass I’ll sleep when I’m dead. But I’ll also sleep tonight into tomorrow morning. I’ll sleep after lunch. I’ll sleep in the bathroom around 3pm, and again around 6pm before I head out to the parking lot for a nap in my car. Then after I return home, I’ll sleep again as my body succumbs to its natural Circadian rhythm around 7pm, before waking at 8am and starting the whole, beautiful cycle anew.”
But really, I don’t sleep nearly that much. I just sometimes dream that I do. Unfortunately, I have to hold down a full-time job, and some semblance of a social and family life. And I just can’t get much of that done while asleep.
If you know of any jobs that involve mostly sleep, please let me know.
