Monday, March 30, 2009

The Right Name for My Beer - Will It Taste Better?

So the beer is bottled. It wasn't a pretty operation, and I'm now anxiously awaiting the first exploding bottle.

My bottle-explosion paranoia is probably unfounded, as I checked to see if the beer was finished fermenting several times before bottling. The only problem is, I don't really know what I'm doing. Let's just cross our fingers and hope for no explosions, or only minor explosions.

As the beer ages for about 2 more weeks - turning ever more delicious minute by minute - the task becomes figuring out a name for my inaugural brew. My matriculation into homebrewing. My preliminary entry into the cold, frothy fold of beer making.

It's worthwhile to keep in mind that this first attempt may very well not taste very good. Personally, in the deepest, darkest recesses of my beer-soaked heart, I believe that people will be pleaseantly surprised when they taste it. Reactions will be, "Oh my. This isn't awful," and, "Aw hell, Mill, this actually tastes like beer. I could drink ten of these for breakfast," and perhaps, "I expected much, much worse. This is marginally drinkable, and doesn't seem to be poisoning me."

Any of those responses would be perfectly fine, as far as I'm concerned. But the real test, and the real challenge, is coming up with the perfect name for my brew. A cool-sounding name, that elicits strong emotions in the drinker could potentially make the beer taste much, much better. Or at the very least, make the drinker feel better about themselves - depending upon the individual, this is a monumental task.

So for the moment, I'm moving on from brewing, and into psychology. Here are a few ideas, ranging from standard and unimaginative, to elaborate and trademark infringement-y:

Mill Genuine Draft
Mill High Life
Mill Lite
The Mill's Master of Your Own Domain Brew
The Mill's Jewish Red Ale
The Mill's Quit Complaining, Keep Drinking Ale
The Mill's Zero Trans Fat Ale
The Mill's Barack Obama Presidential Beer
Kim Jong-il's Ballistic Missile Brew

Please let me know if you have any ideas, comments, or questions. If you come up with a good name, you'll get a free bottle of beer - pending federal, state, and local regulations. Must be 21 years old to legally drink beer. Beer cannot be shipped to PO boxes, or in regular envelopes - I've tried it before and it doesn't work.

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Bell said...

Name suggestions:

- General Mill's Tasty Pils (only if pilsner)
- Me oh my, Mill i'm blind
- No Doubt Mill Stoudt
- Mill ist wei├če

Bell said...

2 More.

Heb' Brew
Von Hayes Dazed Ale

The Mill said...

Bell, I love your enthusiasm...absolutely love it. You are a true gentleman.

Most of these names are top notch - especially the reference to former Phillies great Von Hayes. But "Heb'Brew" is simply a very slight modification of an existing beer brand form the New York area - "He'Brew." Dude, it's not cool to rip off someone else's name.

Anyway, I applaud your solid effort, and will be sending you beer and/or Teddy-grams for years to come.

Anonymous said...

How about The Mill's Brooklyn Brew? Or The Mill of Brooklyn Beer. Or The Brew By The Mill?
Just remember Schmidt's of Philadelphia.

Becky said...

Some more ideas:

- Hydrocorti-beer (for the untapped itchy drinker market)
- Beerstation 3
- Nintendo Wii-eat beer
- Pampers Swaddlerbrau
- A + D Oint-beer (for the untapped diaper-wearing, beer drinking market)

Craig and I very cleverly came up with these just by looking around our livingroom. Can you tell? We should really stop wasting our talents and go into marketing where we belong.

Crazy Horse said...

More pharmaceutical flavored names:

Pepto Beer-mol
Mill's Beer-tho-lyptus

JG said...

i like beerded lady

Bell said...

Mill - I googled Heb' Brew , got nothing back and made the terrible mistake of assuming I came up with a name as awesome as that. Since I'm an upstater and the only beer they sell up here is Natural Light and Budweiser I'm never come across it. A million apologies to you, your blog readers and of course the wonderful folks at Shmaltz brewing company.

jryu said...

I want to see you on this map soon:

DDT said...

Subprime Beer
Credit Default Ale
Mortgage-backed Stout

Claim these as your own if you like, Mill.

Hope the beer is as good as the blog!