Thursday, August 28, 2008

The Problem With Joe Biden

I really like Fightin’ Joe Biden. He’s a man’s man. – the scrappy kid from Scranton. I’m sure he’s a football fan, a whiskey drinker, and loves the chicken wings at Hooters.

I’d like to shoot a game of pool with him. Or play some paintball, with Fightin’ Joe as my platoon leader.

His rapier wit would come in handy during a Mom joke showdown.

He also has extensive credentials for a VP candidate, and his foreign policy experience will serve him well in an advisory role to the Commander-in-Chief.

I gotta hand it to you Barack. Good choice. The Mill approves.

Not only does Joe seem like a cool, manly guy, but he’s also a great speaker, especially without a script.

And although he can deliver a solid scripted speech, with proper intonation and variable inflections – unlike John McCain, who always sounds like he’s reading us a children’s book - he does tend to stumble over his words now and again. He recovered nicely the other night when he mistakenly called McCain “George” – claiming it as a Freudian slip.

In fact, he seems to slip up about 3 or 4 times during every speech. Most of these are rather harmless. And it may indeed be due to the fact that his brain still moves faster than his mouth – as his mother told him when he stuttered as a child.

But mix Joe Biden’s fiery personality, his Chris Rock wit, and his penchant for verbal miscues and you have a recipe for disaster.

My friends, I ask you this:

When will Joe Biden say “fuck” on national television?

During a rant against the Republicans, or in defense of his own strongly held beliefs, Biden could easily lose control of his mouth for a split second. And that’s all it would take.

Half a millimeter away from saying "fuck."

It’s bound to happen, and probably has happened numerous times on local Delaware cable-access shows.

Can he hold it together and prevent the utterance of the mother of all curses - spilling from his lips like so much saliva? Can he at least wait until after the election to let the f-bomb drop on the American public?

I’m not sure, but for Obama’s sake I certainly hope so. And the Democrats’ dream of the White House rest on this hope - the hope that Joe Biden will not say “fuck” during a speech, or a debate, or a town hall meeting, or a PTA bake sale.

To paraphrase Barack Obama, this is the hope with which we put our children to bed, and promise them a better future as we tuck them in.

This is the hope that keeps alive the vision of all Americans - young and old - that we may seize the opportunity of this pivotal moment in history in order to fulfill those archetypal goals of our Founding Fathers: freedom, liberty, and equality for all.

Don’t fuck it up, Joe Biden.

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Anonymous said...

Lowbrow, but well done regardless:

Dennis said...

All I have to say is that was a f*cking awesome post!

The Mill said...

Thanks. My aim is come up with excuses to use the f-word whenever and wherever possible. I'm glad you think I succeeded this time - even if you are a 4th grader.