Tuesday, July 08, 2008

A-Rod and Madonna: A Match Made in Jewish Mysticism

A-Rod and Madonna.

Jeter and Mariah.

Canseco and Madonna.

Yogi Berra and Madonna (in Yogi's dreams circa 1984).

What is it with ballplayers and material girls? Why do they always end up together - at least for a short amount of time before bouncing off to another celebrity/supermodel?

More importantly, why is it almost always Madonna? Who's that girl, anyway?

When you're one of the most recognizable sports figures on the continent, why not pick someone a little more borderline, and a little less crazy for you.

Madonna is the type of celebrity whom the paparazzi stalk incessantly. They're bound to be hiding in the bushes outside her building, or rummaging through the dumpster for her receipts and empty prescription bottles - like a ray of light, always shining on her window.

A-Rod must know this. He's not like a virgin when it comes to surreptitious romance.

Papa don't preach that he's a smart man, but I don't think he's a particularly dumb man either.

After all, he's smart enough to have 536 career home runs as of this writing.

In my book, that makes him 2 home runs smarter than Jimmie Fox, and 25 home runs smarter than Mel Ott. Although by that same logic, he's 523 home runs smarter than Melky Cabrera - leaving Cabrera with the intelligence of a tadpole. That's just not fair to Melky. Like a prayer, may Melky hit many more homers before his days are done.

Bottom line:

Madonna used to be hot. Really hot. La Isla Bonita hot. But now she's kinda old - although still hot for a 50 year old. A-Rod is still a very young and very hot professional athlete - the best in the world at what he does. He could have any man, woman, or mammal he wants. He should thank his lucky star.

I think A-Rod just needs a holiday from all this. He shouldn't have to justify his love. Don't cry for him, Argentina (or New York City).

Or maybe he just loves her music.

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