Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Battlestar Galactica, aka, The Source of My Current Paranoia

Battlestar Galactica – the new one starring Edward James Olmos, and not the late 70’s Lorne Greene/Dirk Benedict vehicle – is pretty much my favorite show right now. I’ve been catching up on the first few seasons via Netflix, and have found myself thoroughly entranced.

It’s one of the only shows in history to feature all 5 of The Mill’s Pillars of Perfect Television: explosions, sex, politics, robots, and Greek mythology.

The writing and plotlines ain’t half bad either.

Still, I hesitate to call it the best show of all time. In fact, no matter what happens over the 4th and final season (we already know the show ends this year) I’ll never call it the best.

How can I be so sure?

Because Battlestar Galactica makes me paranoid.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the show’s basic premise, it goes something like this:

1) Another race of Humans on a far-off planet created the Cylons.
2) The Cylons started out as helpful robots, but then began to evolve on their own.
3) They started to fight back, further evolving until they look just like humans.
4) They also feel like humans – are essentially indistinguishable from us.
5) They launch a major attack, and are trying to wipe out the human race.
6) About 50,000 humans survive the attack and are now in search of Earth – the mythical home of a lost tribe of humans (us).
7) Or something like that.

Anyway, the main point is that the evil robot Cylons look just like us. They can easily infiltrate our society. Even they themselves don’t know they’re Cylons until activated by software buried deep within their Cylon brains.

So why does this bother me so damn much?

Well, what if Barack Obama is a Cylon?

Bear with me here.

Cylons are attractive, intelligent, and mysterious.

Sound familiar?

Cylon Family Tree?

Ever notice how Obama’s speeches have a sort of mechanical efficiency to them? How, compared to our current President, it’s as if his words have been machined from a solid piece of titanium? He’s too perfect. Especially when compared to Bush.

Ever suspect how Obama himself might be machined from a solid piece of titanium? How frackin’ frightening would that be? A killer robot President?

Further evidence: During one of Obama’s basketball playing photo-ops, when he dove for a loose ball and skinned his elbow, I could swear I spied the glint of metal where a tiny patch of flesh used to be. It was quickly bandaged by one of his minions.

Obama a Cylon? Ludicrous accusation? Only time will tell. But as we approach Election Day, at the very least, I’ve given you something to ponder.

As for McCain, I’m not too worried about him. He’s way too old-looking to be a Cylon. There’s just no way a highly-intelligent, advanced species of sentient robots would produce a McCain model.

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Dennis said...

Oh Scott, you have much to learn and much to watch. You will need to finish up the rest of whatever season you are watching now and somehow get a copy of the current season that has past so far.

I will be your guide.

I will lead you to the 13th colony.

By your command.

The Mill said...

So say we all.