Wednesday, July 16, 2008

John McCain - The Older the Better

Much has been made of John McCain’s chronic and severe case of oldness.

He himself poked fun at this supposed disability during a mildly amusing Saturday Night Live bit a few months back.

What could I possibly have to add to the discussion?

The guy’s super old – the oldest man to ever run for President. Maybe even the oldest human ever to run for anything. He’s been alive so long, in fact, that his age spots have varicose veins. His prostate has wrinkles. His hearing aids are coal-powered.

But I believe the issue of his age is trivial. Who cares about how old the guy is? If anything, his intensely high level of ancientness helps him.

The reason?

I think older Americans are generally more likeable than younger Americans. As proof, I submit to you the fact that everyone likes my Dad, but not everyone likes me.

Go ahead, ask around.

Also, everyone thinks Yogi Berra and Paul Newman are adorable in their old age. The same can’t possibly be said for Heidi and Spencer from “The Hills.” Again, proof-positive that old people are better.

No surprise here: Old is the new young.

Other things – besides humans - that are better when old:

- Wine
- Whiskey
- Balsamic vinegar
- Collectible coins
- Autographs
- Sitcoms
- Radioactive waste

So Senator McCain - my friend - don’t make light of your own adorably advanced age. It may turn out to be your greatest strength.

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Dennis said...

You forgot the best thing about old people.

They can get away for saying anything and just be written off since they are old, they don't know what they are saying.

That's a great advantage at the bargaining/negotiating table!

The Mill said...

Good point. And as an example, Ahmadinejad is only 35 years old - less than half McCain's age!! He doesn't stand a chance against John "Methuselah" McCain!!!!