Tuesday, July 21, 2009

The Mill’s Sweet New Ride – A Quick Review

My rants are few and far between. But a recent one involved a shitty Mazdaspeed 6 that I owned for less than a year. The shitheads at Mazda refused to stand behind their piece of crap vehicles, and therefore – as the Mill is wont to do – I made a verbal threat. I threatened to boycott their brand by getting rid of the metallic bucket of feces they call an automobile, and buy something different.

And being that I am a consummate gentleman of honor and discipline, I did exactly that.

However, there’s one catch. I bought a Ford. And as you may or may not know, Ford owns Mazda. So, I did stay true to my word, but I feel like I cheated myself just a little bit.

Here’s why I did it:

1) I wanted to buy American to support Obama and our troops.

2) Ford is the only American car maker not currently under the auspices of bankruptcy protection.

3) Ford dealers are at least as desperate – if not more so - than any other dealers out there.

4) The Ford dealership I went to gave me a ridiculously high value for my dogshit, craptastic, leperous, garbage-dump-worthy Mazda piece of junky flotsam.

5) I couldn’t turn down that crazy trade-in offer.

6) Ford’s Sync voice-controlled system allows you to tell the car to play Beyonce right off your iPod, and will “Call Mom” if you need a quick recipe for soup while driving.

In any case, I really like the new car. It’s a 2010 Ford Fusion. No, it’s not a hybrid, but it also doesn’t have the biggest engine they offer – only the second biggest engine, a 3.0 liter V6. The leather is nice and buttery smooth. The stereo rocks out surprisingly well, with a rich, satisfying bass and a crystal clear treble.

It handles as well as, or better than, any rental car I’ve ever driven. Very confidence inspiring over bumpy pavement, and around tight turns. It looks somewhat sporty with the optional 18-inch wheels, and totally functional rear spoiler – keeps the car from flying off the road when the car reaches speeds of 150 mph or more. It also has this weird, kinda trippy ambient interior lighting system that lights up in 7 different colors. Don’t worry, I didn’t specifically pay extra for that option. It came with the package that included the roof and doors. So I had no choice.

Damn it! It's so hard to flip the thing over!! Good work Ford!

All in all, it’s surprisingly well built for a Ford. It looks like they may have finally gotten their act together. And because of the available rebates, special financing, and desperate dealership willing to give me more for my trade-in than I could ever have hoped to sell it for on my own, I got a totally sweet deal. It’s like one-tenth the price of a Lamborghini.

But seriously, so far so good. I’m approaching 1000 miles on the odometer already (had the car for almost 2 weeks now) and it’s showing no signs of breakdown or metal fatigue.

I am very proud of my new black on black Ford baby.

Subscribe to my sweet feed

No comments: