Monday, February 02, 2009

The Mill's Super Quick Super Bowl Recap

I had zero dollars riding on the game. My favorite team lost in the NFC Championship two weeks earlier, and the pain was still palpable. I’m not particularly fond of any of the players on either remaining squad. But I do like Troy Polamalu’s and Larry Fitzgerald’s hair.

Polamalu's hair is luxurious - like bathing in champagne with caviar shampoo and a baby seal skin loofah.

Reason enough to watch the big game? Probably not. So I didn’t expend much energy or attention on the game itself. Rather, I multi-tasked last evening. I spent 50% of the time watching the Super Bowl, and 50% doing my taxes. There was probably another 10 or 20% of time devoted towards eating, drinking, and using the lavatory, but then we’d be up to 120% - and such an efficient and complete use of time is impossible, even for Barack Obama.

What I learned from half-watching the game, half-doing my taxes:

- The Arizona Cardinals are not a bad team. They should have won the game.
- Ben Roethlisberger is not a handsome man.
- Larry Fitzgerald is a freakin’ awesome receiver.
- Jesus is not with Kurt Warner in the huddle or on the sidelines. Jesus has better things to do than to make sure Kurt Warner wins another Super Bowl. After all, American Idol is just starting to get interesting.
- Bruce Springsteen is shockingly limber for a 59 year-old.
- I owe more money to the State of Connecticut than I did last year, for some reason.
- I can’t really deduct the money I spent on beer last year. It’s not technically a business expense because I don’t actually drink it at work. Maybe this will have to change in 2009?

I paid some attention to the commercials, but didn’t remember anything shocking or particularly notable. My friend Greg called me up soon after a Cheetos commercial aired in order to perform a sanity check. I was half-doing my taxes at the time, but he said Chester the Cheetah propositioned a leather-bondage-masked pigeon towards the end other 30-second spot. I feel like this would have made my list above if I’d been paying a bit more attention to the TV.

For that I am ever so sorry.

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