Monday, January 05, 2009

The Mill's 2009 New Year's Resolutions

In my last post, I took a look back at my 2008 New Year’s resolutions. I examined my successes (fantasy sports) and my failures (most everything else).

All I can do now is promise myself that 2009 will be different. I’m not sure how many of these resolutions I’ll be able to keep, but resolution #1 is definitely keep more New Year’s resolutions this year than I did last year. More is better when it comes to resolutions, as I always say. So although I may not list all of them here – and maybe not even the most important ones - you can see from the sampling below that, generally speaking, I’m setting myself up for success in 2009.

1) Continue the Perfect Pushup regimen, with verve and vigor.

2) Get totally ripped using the Perfect Pushup workout system - ripped, being a relative term, of course. So, at least ripped like a walrus.

Who needs six-pack abs when you have 16-inch tusks, and a thick, leathery hide?

3) Jog at least once a week.

4) Shower at least twice a week.

5) Eat at least thrice a week.

6) Write 200 kickass blog posts.

7) Start a Jewish speed-metal band.

8) Eat less bacon, more beans.

9) Use 25% less paper.

10) Watch 25% more television.

Sorry old salty, delicious friend. I'll be consuming less of you this year.

I think I’ve got a good shot at 70-80% success rate, based upon the resolutions above. Of course, I’ve left out some of the more personal/embarrassing/frightening resolutions, and only have the full list available to authorized individuals and law enforcement.

Maybe this is the secret to good resolution-making: super-easy resolutions.

This strategy builds your confidence, and encourages you to strive for even greater success next year. After all, life is a series of baby steps – literally at first, and more figuratively as we get older. We want to minimize our trips, stumbles, and falls as much as possible. So why not make things super-easy on yourself? Sure, you can throw a couple challenges in there, but for the most part, just be proud that you remembered to breathe, eat, and bathe often enough to keep yourself alive and relatively inoffensive to others.

New Year’s resolutions are notorious sources of shame and failure if you’re unable to follow through on them. Do you really need any more shame and failure in your life?


That’s why my resolution #11 is “Less shame and failure.” I didn’t list it above, but I think it’s important to mention here. Resolution #12 has something to do with rabbits, and #13 deals almost exclusively with body hair. Oddly enough, the two resolutions are distantly related. I think I’ll leave it at that. For the rest of the list, you’ll need a search warrant.

Anyway, I think it’s worth your while to aim low when it comes to New Year’s resolutions, and allow for small incremental growth over many, many years.

Please check back in with me in 40 years and let me know how you’ve done.

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