Wednesday, May 28, 2008

New iPhone Features Revealed - In My Dreams

A sweet breeze is blowing. It seems to be coming from Steve Jobs. With the second generation iPhone rumored to be on the possible verge of potential release, it only remains to be seen from which Jobs orifice this breeze will come.

Can it possibly meet my expectations? Probably not, as you’ll see below.

But at the same time, as an anxious owner of the first generation iPhone, I sorta hope that the second one isn’t too much better than the first.

Alas, that’s the risk of the early adopter. And I accepted that risk when I activated my iPhone nearly 6 months ago. Actually, it was already available for several months before I got one (as a gift from Jaimi – thanks again dear), so I’m nowhere near the earliest of adopters.

But still, I’ll die a little bit inside if the new version of the iPhone really kicks the old one’s ass.

New iPhone will not come with real fish preserved under the clear touchscreen glass...or will it?

Here are a few new features that I’ve heard MIGHT be included in the next-generation iPhone. Keep in mind I heard these inside my own head while I slept - so please spread this around the internet as if I were Steve Jobs’s pool boy, and found some secret iPhone plans in the cabana.

1) Phillips head screwdriver
2) Bullshit detector
3) 32 gigabytes of memory.......built into the headphones
4) Gasoline-powered
5) Silent ringer choices include "Vibrate," “Electric Shock” and “Liquid Explosion”
6) Gaydar
7) Dog whistle
8) Pepper mill
9) 200 gigabyte built-in pornography library
10) Phone itself is redeemable for 100 Starbucks coffees


Anonymous said...

Uh-oh! The Phillips head screwdriver seals the deal for your father. Now you have to buy him one.

The Mill said...

He was sold as soon as he found out that it didn't need to be hand-cranked.