Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Views From Kauai - The Garden Island

Here are some pictures from my recent trip to Kauai. My observational humor has been added in the form of captions. You may or may not find it humorous. And some of you may find it offensive.

But first, a few observations from the trip:

1) Excellent Roads - I didn't really expect the roads to be shitty. Hawaii is, after all, part of the United States. And we're well known for our love of driving on well-paved roads. But I saw nary a pothole. I just couldn't stop marveling at the deep blackness of the ashalt. The perfectly painted solid yellow lines. The well defined shoulder. The gentle sloping grade, and the delicate s-curves. They say there is much beauty on this island. I only noticed the roads.

2) Chickens Everywhere - I really do mean everywhere. Apparently, back in 1992, a hurricane hammered the island, and a bunch of chickens escaped captivity. They didn't bother to hunt them down, and the birds have since multiplied many times over. The funniest thing is that the roosters crow at all times of day. They are so stupid. It's as if they couldn't even read a digital watch.

3) Hawaiian Shave Ice is AWESOME - It's a simple idea. You take a block of ice. You take a razor sharp blade. You press the ice against the blade, and spin. Well, you don't spin. I think the blade actually does the spinning. In any case, the result is a mound of what is essentially snow. Then you douse it with various fruity syrups and put a drizzle of cream on top (this is a called a snow cap, and may cost you 50 cents extra). It's the most refreshing thing one can imagine. And we ate it almost every day. I haven't seen it on the mainland. Let me know if you have any leads.

Not sure why I look confused and angry. It's almost like I'm preparing to tear the camera from the papparazzi's hand. This was taken at the wedding, and I was having a great time. Also, if you look closely, you can just about make out half of Jaimi's eye next to me.

You'd think that this was the last car they had left, judging from the color. Nope. I actually returned another one in order to get this. I was screaming for attention the entire trip.

Eating Hawaiian shave ice in the totally-sweet inferno-orange Mustang. I only look upset because this delectable frozen treat is almost gone.

One of the famous Kauai roosters. This little asshole kept cockle-a-doodle-dooing at all hours of the day and night.

Weeeee!!! I sure hope this water is more than 2 feet deep!!

This is not a stock photo taken from the tourism board's website. We actually witnessed this sunset. I'm happy to say I was not drunk for it.

A view from the helicopter ride. These are the jagged cliffs of the Na'Pali coast. Just kidding. This is New Jersey.

Another view from the helicopter. A completely isolated beach, almost impossible to reach by land or sea. This would have been the perfect place for Margaret Thatcher and Boris Yeltsin to sunbathe in the nude.

Dude, those car keys are long gone. Let 'em go. Just let 'em go.

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