Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Wherefore Art Thou Swine Flu?

What happened to the panic? The fear? The epidemiological doom and gloom?

Wasn’t it just like a week ago, when the media ran endless stories of how to protect your self from swine flu, and where it was likely to spread? Our Vice Prez advised everyone to stay away from everyone else.

And then, poof! Nothing. American Idol is a bigger story than the A(H1N1) virus. Go ahead, take a look at CNN, or Fox News, or even The New York Times. Not a peep about this killer of man and pig.

I mentioned in a recent post, soon after the whole swine flu phenomenon really broke loose in the media, that this thing was way over-hyped. It’s not nearly as dangerous, exotic (or delicious) as it sounds. It’s basically a run-of-the-mill flu. That is, of course, until it mutates further, at which point we could witness a return in the fall.

But until then, I’d say you’re free to stop having nightmares about it. And because nobody has any fucking clue if it’s ever going to cause a pandemic or become more lethal, it’s time to forget about it. Focus on other things – like watching baseball, or baking a pie. Get outside. Take your kid for a walk. Get on a crowded subway car without a hospital mask.

Go to Walmart and return a portion of the ammunition you stockpiled in case of a major pandemic. And give some of that canned food to your local shelter.

It’s time to move on. And it’s time to guess which animal will be the source of the next flu phenomenon. This is where things get fun.

Dog flu? Cat flu? Horse flu?

My best guess - and you heard it here first: Flounder flu.

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