Thursday, October 25, 2007

Global Warming - A Revelation

I’ve always believed the proliferation of factories, coal-burning power plants, and the automobile were largely to blame for global warming - that our society’s complete and utter reliance on fossil fuels has led us to this point. And the racing locomotives that are the U.S., Chinese and Indian economies are forcing us ever closer to the brink of disaster.

But then I was watching “An Inconvenient Truth”, starring Al Gore as a professorial prophet with absolutely astounding PowerPoint skills. At one point during the presentation, he shows the sun shooting its rays at the polar ice cap. And the ice just reflects the sun’s heat. Then the ice melts and the sun’s rays are absorbed by the open ocean. Thus leading to more warming and more melting and more absorption of rays. And then more melting. And more warming. And…and. You get the picture. A peristaltic chain reaction of ruin.

So I done got me to thinking. What is the real problem here? Sure, it sounds like global warming could be pretty serious. But do I really need to build a windmill in my backyard (if I had a backyard) and drive a battery-powered soda can to work every day? Will that really save us?


"Why not, Mill?" you ask. Wouldn’t a decrease in the burning of fossil fuels lessen the production of greenhouse gases? Well, yes. But it’s not all about the greenhouse gases. Don’t persecute them just for trapping heat. The real problem is the sun. It’s way too hot. And as Mr. Gore demonstrated, it keeps shooting those damn rays at our open oceans, thus warming the water, melting the ice, raising the sea level, and murdering the polar bears. There’s only one solution: we need to find a way to blot out the sun. Literally. Not kidding.

Kill the sun, I say, and you cool the planet. That is indisputable science. Kill the sun, and save the bears. Let the ice live free and let the sun die hard, with a vengeance. But it’s unbreakable, you say? Well my sixth sense tells me that it can be done. And just as fire is the fifth element, so can Armageddon be brought down upon the sun by a simple team of twelve monkeys, Hudson Hawk, and Billy Bathgate.

Okay fine. Maybe I don’t have a plan. Maybe instead of coming up with a legitimate way to mitigate the tremendous damage we’ve already done to the planet’s climate, I just listed a bunch of Bruce Willis movies (can you find them all?). But that was fun, and still serves to illustrate my point. That point being - Bruce Willis can do it. He can save the world. If anyone can, it’s him. Again, not a joke. Mr. Willis, if you’re reading this, please leave a comment that you will indeed save the planet, as I’ve suggested.

So I wrote this post last night, and during my normal travels over and across the World Wide Web, on my way to sleep, I ran across this article.

Strange thing is, the author details a method by which we could actually reflect some of the sun's rays - by throwing a bunch of dirt into the atmosphere. A simulated volcanic eruption, as it were. I can't tell exactly when the article was written, but I'll just go ahead and assume that I came up with the idea first. As I've said before, I are a genius.

Listen to this post.

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