Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Poll Results August '07 - Kittens On Top!!!

Final vote results are in:

Which do you like most? -

  • Kittens: 8
  • Derek Jeter: 6
  • iPhone: 6
  • Leprosy: 3

This month's big winner: Kittens. Congratulations to the furry, fuzzy, lovable, allergen-encrusted, funny little kitty monkeys. Clearly, humans love you. At least, 8 out of 23 humans who voted in this month's poll love you. I expected kittens to make a strong showing mostly because they are so goddamn cute. You should know, dear kittens, that those who voted for the other choices did not really vote against you. They either clicked the wrong button, or were trying to be funny. I mean come on, you're goddamn adorable, goddamnit.

Good work little buddies! Congrats on beating Jeter...and leprosy!

This month's big loser: Leprosy. You are a terrible, gruesome, flesh-eating disease, most often associated with filthiness, medieval decay and that time period's ignorance of the causes of disease. They used to think you were the result of a witch's spell. Or a Gypsy's secret prayers. Also, the Jews were often blamed for your mischief. You have been well known for your leper colonies - where your victims gather together in an odd sort of summer camp, to receive treatment and play beach volleyball. It must be sad for you to see that, nowadays, your colonies have lost much of their former trendiness. Although you did receive a few votes (from a few sick f#cks), you couldn't muster enough support to challenge either Derek Jeter or the fantabulous new iPhone. You're welcome to try again later this year. And I wholeheartedly invite you back for another poll. Thanks again, Leprosy. It's been a wild ride.

Leperd Colony

Runners up - Jeter and iPhone: The two of you put up a good fight. And I truly believed one of you might prevail in the end. After all, you're both hypoallergenic, beautiful, and sleek.

Derek, you've been putting up MVP-type numbers this season. And with your team back in the pennant race, I'd imagine you'd be the most disappointed with the outcome of this poll. Also, you're the only choice in this poll that can potentially feel any sort of complex emotions, such as would be necessary in order to be disappointed in the outcome of a poll in the first place, much less have any sort of understanding of the meaning of a poll, especially one in which you were included as a choice. Does that make sense? It certainly doesn't make any sense to the kittens, leprosy, or the iPhone. And that's exactly my point. I just feel like you're the only one I could talk to in this poll, Derek. I don't know. I wish you'd email me back.

Don't fret, Derek. You could still win another World Series, or date another super model.

iPhone, you've got my vote (at least when kittens and Jeter don't have my vote). I'm a huge fan. I don't own you, as your price point is a little outrageous. And I may never own you, except for a refurbished model or a used one from eBay. That being said, you're absolutely brilliant. Bloody brilliant, if I were British. I love how your entire face is a touch-sensitive screen. It's awesome. And you're a phone, and an iPod, and a computer, and, and, and......The list never ends. I'm pretty sure that if you boasted a 3G chipset for high-speed internet access over AT&T's wireless network, and possessed a replaceable lithium-ion battery, you would have beaten the kittens hands down. You would have kicked the shit out of those kittens. Figuratively speaking of course, as this is just an online poll and you are just a cell phone. I mean, you're so much more than a cell phone, and I hope I didn't offend you with that last sentence. I think you're just a few transistors away from being sentient, so I want to tread carefully here. Come to think of it, you have no arms or legs. And even if you did somehow threaten me, I could just chuck you into the river and be done with it. But I would never do that, because you are so totally sweet.

So, to my readers, please, please vote in my newest poll. You'll find it on the right-hand side of the page. Your vote matters. Especially when only, like, 20 other people are voting and there are four choices.


JG said...

i like the picture of the kittens the best!

JG said...
This comment has been removed by the author.