Saturday, July 21, 2007

My Opinion Regarding The Future of Our Species

This is a topic I think about a lot. Maybe too much. But it's important. Maybe even more important than my fantasy baseball lineup. Okay fine, maybe I don't think about the future of the human race all that much, but rather, I was struggling to come up with something about which to post. I saw this article:
And I thought to myself, "Hey Mill, this could make for an interesting blog posting. Or at the absolute very least, crafting a well thought out response to the question of the longevity of our species (and the manner in which we can prolong human dominance on this planet and beyond) could save the world." Or something like that.
So, to condense the article down to just one simple sentence of dubious accuracy (you'll have to read the feature for yourself in order to get the whole story), we're asked whether or not humans will survive long enough to colonize other planets, and if we don't colonize, will we be able to survive for much longer on Earth, and this is based upon past observations and probabilistic estimates of future occurrences, and the system used to predict the future says we will be around for at least another 5,100 years, but that to ensure our survival we need to colonize Mars or some other planet within 46 years, and then the dog ate my hamburger, and then I ran over to the other side of the bus and saw a midget playing the guitar, and it was raining outside but not the normal kind of rain but rather it was raining watermelons and other large fruit, and people were screaming because the fruit was traveling so fast due to gravity, and it was splattering everywhere with the force of high-velocity fruit, and then I woke up because the article referenced above had put me to sleep. But then I finished the article, and found it quite thought-provoking.
The question naturally follows that if humans have not already colonized other worlds, how are we expected to just go out and colonize a far off planet within another generation or so? Then my questions became: Did humans actually colonize Earth from another planet some 200,000 years ago? Are we all descended from aliens? Should you always tip at least 15%? And is A-Rod really worth $252 million over 10 years? Yes. Yes. No. No. Yes.

$252 Million Man
A-Rod internally calculating the distance his home runs would travel on other planets.

After muddling this topic in my mind, adding ice, and shaking vigorously, I was not able to come up with a solution to our collective conundrum. I was originally going to say that I had come up with a solution, and then tell you to wait until next week to find out what it was. But then I'd actually have to come up with something clever, and it makes me tired just thinking about thinking about it.
That being said, I'm still going to start working on a plan for our colonization of far-off worlds. Probably this weekend. My Sunday looks pretty free, in particular. I may not get it all figured out. But for starters, I'm pretty sure we'll have to develop a ship capable of traveling beyond the speed of light. And we'll also need to determine a way to bring dogs and beer with us, while keeping them alive and fresh, respectively. And we'll probably need guns, as we're likely to meet some violently unfriendly aliens, and perhaps their evil robot slaves. Also, it would be nice to have some comfortable sneakers and blue jeans, for those times when we're not busy fighting off the aliens or their robots. But maybe the jeans will fit abnormally on a planet with a different gravitational field than that of the Earth. So we'll need to bring both slightly larger and smaller sizes with us, to ensure an appropriate fit. I do like to look slim, after all, no matter what planet I happen to be on.

Necessities for Colonization of Other Worlds
We'll need to bring both of these things with us if we want to have fun amidst hostile aliens and an oppressively sulfurous Venus-like atmosphere.

We have 46 years to figure it all out. The irreversible rush of days will bring this date upon us much quicker than you think. Please start working on this problem right away. I'll work on the proper-fitting jeans portion, and you can figure out the whole guns/aliens/evil robots/light-speed spaceship portion. Thanks.

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