Saturday, December 22, 2007

And Then There Were Three - The iMac Completes The Trifecta

iPod. iPhone. iMac.

So functional. So modern. So easy to use. So Apple.

I now own all three. Proudly.

I picked up the shiny, new iMac up from my local shiny, new, glass-staircase-having Apple Store earlier this week. The computer's almost as cool looking as the store!

I haven't had much time to play around (see my last post on holiday party time for explanation), but as of today, I've figured out how to turn on the computer, click on various on-screen items using the "mouse" (included!), type words into text boxes using the keyboard (also included!), and power down the computer. It's all so easy. And just like the iPhone and the iPod, I am a cooler and better person for having purchased one.

Shadows created by the sultry glow of the iMac's brilliant 20-inch screen shroud my face as I write this blog post. I got the cheapest model available, but it still makes me feel and look like a million bucks.

Really though, I needed a new computer bad. My 3.5 year-old HP laptop was giving me the blue screen of death every other time I booted her up. "Ol' Bessie," I called her.

What could be worse than writing a perfectly amazing blog post, and then before you had the chance to click "SAVE NOW" the computer craps out on you? Nothing could be worse than that. Nothing in the whole world.

So I decided to switch back to Mac after 10 years of tooling around on Microsoft's unstable operating system. Now, I'm no Microsoft-hater. Bill Gates gives a ton of money to charity, after all (albeit only 0.00002% of his net worth).

But Macs are so sleek and beautiful. They're carved out of a solid block of aircraft aluminum, and sprinkled with pixie dust. Then Steve Jobs carefully kisses each and every Macintosh computer as it leaves the assembly line, in China - at the rate of 40,000 kisses per day by my estimation, and Apple's recent sales figures. Steve's lips must be chapped raw, and coated in aluminum dust.

So far so good. I hope to continue to explore my iMac's functions, and learn how to unlock its mystical secrets. I've found an Apple users' blog that claims a certain code entered at just the right time while launching just the right multimedia application will enable the iMac to reanimate the dead and/or see into the future. I don't know about all that. And quite frankly, the thought of zombies in my apartment scares the shit out of me. Although seeing into the future could come in handy, particularly during football season. The sportsbook is where the big money is in Vegas, after all.

I'll probably just stick to word processing, photo editing, email, and fantasy sports. But no porn or illegal music downloads. I respect my new iMac way too much for any of that.


Anonymous said...

But can you watch the pandas???


Anonymous said...

This guy i know told me that MACs are really made by microsoft. Think about it, both use the same keyboards, CD-ROMs, displays and both are actually personal computers aka PC's. PC's have cpu's made by intel, MAC's have cpu's made by intel. Oh and another thing, the government is microsoft. Scared? You should be. Thats why I totally stay away from computers completely.

Morgan said...

MAc's made by microsoft.. sounds too spooky to be true.. thought bill gates does hold a lot lof shares of apple... I still consider mac to be too expensive computing option.. if you are pissed of by windows you should have given linux a try..


The Mill said...

Listen JB, you've always been a bit of a conspiracy theorist. Macs made by Microsoft? Come on. You're the guy who also thought Coke was owned by Pepsi, and that Jeffrey Lurie paid Jessica Simpson to date Tony Romo (thereby cursing him and the Cowboys). We've all had enough of your paranoid delusions. Although I am watching you right now from across the street. Nice Philadelphia Phillies sweatpants.