Monday, August 31, 2009

Ready for Some Football 2009

I can’t hardly believe it. The 2009 NFL season is upon us.

It seems like just the other month when I was spending every Sunday watching football, drinking beer, and tracking the stats of my favorite fantasy players – it feels like just yesterday that I was wasting a colossal amount of time on the pointless pursuit of fantasy football fame and glory.

I finished the season in 6th place, out of 12 teams. That’s nothing to email home about.

So I waste some time every Sunday during football season. It’s the truth, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. But what do I do the rest of the year – during non-football Sundays?

Well, let’s take a recent Sunday for example. I did laundry yesterday. That’s some useful work. And I went for a 6 mile run, which is also useful for maintaining my girlish figure. I didn’t drink beer, which is a nice respite for my liver and kidneys. I prepared a batch of pickles, which is a delicious diversion from an otherwise mundane weekend evening. I also went silverware shopping with Jaimi. Which is…

Maybe it was a useful Sunday, chock-full of completed tasks and successful errands. That’s all about to come to a screeching, crashing, whiplash-inducing halt.

Our 2009 fantasy football draft is this coming Friday. It marks the beginning of some things – like staring at the TV, beer in hand, blankly watching football games for hours on end. And the end of certain other things – such as doing anything useful or interesting or healthy or valuable to the planet on a Sunday.

But Sunday is the Lord’s day. And He is telling me to watch football. He is also telling me to place a bet on Peyton Manning’s Colts right now, and that Arizona rookie Beanie Wells is way overrated and injury-prone. Finally, He welcomes Michael Vick back to the league, although He doesn’t plan to welcome him to Heaven in 56 years unless Vick stays true to his promise and saves a bunch of abandoned dogs.

The Lord loves dogs.

And I love football season. But also I love dogs. So the Lord and I have something in common. I would also agree that Beanie Wells is injury-prone, although not sure about him being overrated. On that point, my Lord almighty, we’re going to have to agree to disagree.

And so on Sunday, the Lord’s day, we shall watch the Lord’s game – NFL football. And we shall praise He that hath wrought thy game of blessed pigskin. For thou shalt not dismiss thy favorite team for not making the playoffs last year. And thou shalt not boo thy starting quarterback because he hath just thrown four interceptions.

Thou, as a fan of the Lord and His holy Game, shalt remember last year’s story of the Cardinals of Arizona. For it was then that thy holy servant Kurt Warner, led thy team of holiest of holy Cardinals to the highest Bowl in the land. And he threw a touchdown. And it was good.

But the Steelers ended up kicking the Cardinals asses, so I guess the Lord is more of a Pittsburgh fan.

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