Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Another Mill?

As I've mentioned in a recent post ("Google Yourself" - November 13, 2007) I regularly enter my name into Google, to make sure I still exist. Don't worry, I'm real, and not a figment of your imagination. But today, my Google discovery was very much like a waking nightmare.

Every prior instance of entering "Scott Rathmill" into the Google search box has yielded results that I've been able to attribute to myself.

There's some stupid quote from the college newspaper. This blog shows up in several results. I published a few chemistry papers in scientific journals, believe it or not. These results all make sense to me. After all, I'm Scott Rathmill.

But then today, a new search result presented itself:

http://www.st-edwards.cheshire.sch.uk/news/index.htm

It's a link to a Catholic Primary School in England, in a town called Macclesfield. It's in Cheshire, in case you know where that is.

This particular page contains a list of weekly merit awards for everything from "being a good friend," to "excellent work in math," all the way to "coping with a broken leg." Running the gamut of high achievements.

And scanning this list a little more closely, right above the award for "Smartest Uniform," is this:

Smile of the week—Scott Rathmill

Funny thing is, I was never notified of such an award. And I don't even know anyone at this school in England. Furthermore, I've never even set foot on English soil.

That leaves us with several explanations, only one of which terrifies me.

1) Simple misspelling. The kid's name is "Rothmill" or "Rathmell" or something like that.

2) This is some elaborate practical joke.

3) My current "life" in New York City as a 31 year-old part-time blogger is, in reality, an intricate dreamworld crafted during the afternoon nap of a 5 year-old British toddler - that toddler being me, of course. (Note: In this dream and/or my real life I'm otherwise fully employed, but never mention a peep about my real job due to scary stories of people getting fired for writing about their jobs in a blog.)

4) (This is the really scary one) THERE IS ANOTHER HUMAN ON THIS PLANET NAMED "SCOTT RATHMILL."

I don't want to admit to the possibility of #4. I think I'd rather be a British toddler.

But if there is, in fact, someone else with my name, then I congratulate him. It's a fabulous name. A spectacular name. It's spelled exactly as it sounds. There are no extraneous consonants. It's looks great on a business card.

Cherish your name, Young British Scott Rathmill.

If you ever need a U.S. ID before you turn 21 - like when you're 16 and I'm 41 - I'll let you borrow my driver's license.

5 comments:

greygoose+hydro said...

Just change your name to McLovin

JB said...

or Sadam Rathmill.

JG said...

or Scott Gaffe

The Mill said...

How about "White Lightning"?

Dennis said...

Well, I like the US version of Scott Rathmill. Maybe we can call you Scott Rathmill 1.0?

Or if things really get confusing, you can get your name legally changed to The Mill