Starbucks charges plenty for their coffee - in my humble opinion, and in the opinion of my wallet. And plenty of people drink plenty of Starbucks coffee - myself unabashedly included. I think it's pretty good stuff.
But still, it ain't cheap.
I drive to work almost every day, and usually bring coffee along with me - either home-brewed or from the local Starbucks. Also, I should note that the roads in my neighborhood aren't entirely well paved. And the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway has some rough patches as well.
So, as you can imagine, my daily coffee addiction often leads to 2nd degree burns on my hand and arm, and spilled coffee all over my center console and luxuriously carpeted floor mats (I didn't spring for the all-weather rubberized mats).
Anyway, the simple answer to this problem is - don't fill the coffee cup all the way.
At Starbucks, that usually means ordering a medium (they call it a "Grande" but I still refuse to use that terminology - another shot to the crotch of THE MAN) and dumping some out in the trash or on the sidewalk.
What a waste of coffee and money. Starbucks coffee is much more expensive than gasoline, and will remain so even if oil surpasses $200 per barrel. Do the math.
There must be a better way.
You're in luck. There is.
What I've discovered - drum roll please - is that if you simply order a small coffee in a medium cup (a "Tall" in a "Grande" cup, if you don't want to arouse suspicion), not only will you save 21 cents (Note: 21 cents in New York City - your actual savings may vary) by getting the smaller size, but the Starbucks employees will usually fill the medium cup to the perfect level for taking in the car with you. In other words, they fill it up to a level at which you don't have to dump anything out.
The result is that you get exactly the same amount of coffee as you would have if you ordered the larger size, but don't waste any coffee and save about 10%.
I stick that 21 cents in a jar near the door. By the end of the year, I should have enough to buy a Gulfstream V. Those are the ones that have enough range to fly across the Atlantic or cross-country nonstop. I'll keep you posted.
As fair warning, occasionally you get the unexplicably stingy barista who practically measures the amount of a small cup into the medium cup. But that's pretty rare, in my experience.
Starbucks employees are not motivated to conserve coffee as if it were liquid gold. They do, in fact, regularly dump out the coffee and brew fresh batches during the course of the day. Why not give a paying customer a little extra fresh-brewed love every now and again?
So you're not seriously harming the behemoth corporation by taking advantage of this small loophole - no reason to feel guilty. You're just getting closer to the amount of coffee that's rightfully yours for 2 bucks.
If anything, you're really sticking it to the man - big time - with this little maneuver. And isn't that something you can feel good about?
Thursday, May 15, 2008
How To Stick It To The Man - Volume 1, #1 - Starbucks
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Coffee - The Perfect Cup of Dark Rich Brew - aka Starbucks vs. Dunkin Donuts
I have several strong beliefs in life. Things that I consider immutable and indisputable. Maybe 4 or 5 of them. Wait, maybe 6. In any case, one of those beliefs is as follows: there are two kinds of people in this world - those who like Dunkin' Donuts, and those who like Starbucks. If I know which one of the two coffee chains you prefer, you're like an open book to me. Once that piece of information has been revealed, I basically know everything else about you. Unfortunately, there are people who don't drink coffee. But let's ignore them for now, because a difficult problem arises when someone is not a coffee drinker. Then I'm at a complete loss. I can't even guess their weight. But if you drink coffee on a regular basis, and you have any sort of opinion regarding the longstanding Starbucks vs. Dunkin debate, then I'm able to gaze within your soul and determine for whom you voted in the last 8 or 9 elections - along with many, many other factoids about your life.
Which coffee is actually better? And subsequently, which group of people is better? I have my own opinion on the matter, but I won't give it away. Good luck figuring it out, because there's no way I'd reveal that kind of valuable data. I will, however, say that my opinion is very,very strong. Strong, dark, rich, and bold. By the way, ever been to Seattle? Fantastic town. I love it. I also feel the peculiar need to mention that my next dog will be named "Frappucino".
So as a relatively impartial observer, and scientist by training, let me evaluate our two choices. First we have Dunkin Donuts. They make donuts, muffins, cookies. They make crullers. They make smoothies and Coolattas. They also make breakfast sandwiches layered with cheese, meat and some sort of egg-inpired product. Oh, and they have coffee. Or "coffee", as I prefer to type it. I'd also do the air-quotes if I were speaking to you right now. It's pretty weak stuff. Thin and light brown. A teaspoon of cream will lighten it, and without 10 or 15 sugars, it's as tasteless as making out with the widow at her husband's funeral. Seems to me people must go to Dunkin for the donuts, or maybe the Munchkins (admittedly, Munchkins are pretty fun to eat). But it sure as hell can't be the coffee.
Here are some other disturbing things about Dunkin Donuts. In most locations, there's a sign on the bathroom door that reads, "EMPLOYEES NEED NOT WASH HANDS BEFORE RETURNING TO WORK." I also swear that on several occasions, the cashier has mouthed the words "Please help. I am nothing more than a slave, working only for the contents of the plastic tip jar in front of you. Also, they whip me and make me drink the coffee here. I've thought about escaping, but have been warned that this visor I'm wearing will explode if I run out the door. I sleep under a pile of coffee filters." These are not good signs.
How may I help you? Our coffee sucks and I'm treated like chattel.Once you're in the Starbucks, order yourself a nice fresh cup of dark, rich, robust, soothing, delicious coffee. Don't worry about the funny naming convention they use. Tall, Grande, Venti? That's bullshit. Ask for a medium. They'll understand. Keep in mind that they have a monopoly on pretty much all of the decent coffee grown worldwide. And if I'm not mistaken, Starbucks serves up over 250 billion cups of piping hot delicious coffee each year. Now that's a lot of coffee! They must really know what they're doing. Additionally, the employees always seem friendly, happy, and well-fed.
So make up your own mind. Take this post for what it is - an unbiased, scientific comparison of two large, commercial coffee providers. If you like crappy-watery-dirt-flavored coffee, slavery, and the opposite of hygiene, then choose one. If you like delicious, flavorful, fresh, clean-tasting coffee, served up on a gleamingly sterile counter by a healthy-looking employee, then choose another. The choice is yours. You have the power. Just remember that this choice says everything about who you are. So choose wisely......
