Another crazy-ass toy. Remember these?What could be better than pink plastic choking hazards, shaped like little half-naked alien wrestlers?
Well, in 1985 Mattel thought that nothing could be better than this. And so they launched the M.U.S.C.L.E. line of collectible toys.
Also simply known as “Muscle Men,” the name is actually an acronym - Millions of Unusual Small Creatures Lurking Everywhere.
Again, Mattel’s idea. Not mine. I couldn’t make this stuff up.
The Muscle Men were basically ripped off of a Japanese toy line known as Kinkeshi (thanks Wikipedia!!) which was in turn ripped off a Japanese cartoon known as Kinnikuman.
I remember these toys rather well.
They were sold in 4-count blister packs, 10-count plastic garbage pails, or 28-count briefcases. Or some shit like that.
Choking hazards packed inside suffocation hazards.You could also buy a little wrestling ring – in which to hold some sort of homo-erotic, half-naked, pink, muscly, alien battle royale.
The Muscle wrestling ring: hours of mind-numbing, slightly gay fun.The figures themselves were an entirely bizarre amalgamation of animals, buildings, vegetables, robots, and planets.
Not kidding. One character was composed of little planets. Another one had a tea cup for a head. There was one guy made of rocks, and one that was an aerosol can with legs. I remember thinking, back in fourth grade, that many of the uglier characters strongly resembled my worst teachers….and looked a lot like your Mom.
Despite the deviant undertones of these toys, M.U.S.C.L.E. Men caught fire soon after their introduction, and remained popular for several years. Strange but true. And I was swept up in the frenzy along with everyone else.
Part of the fun was collecting the different characters, and discovering one that you’d never seen before. There were well over 200 different designs, and some were scarcer than others. You considered yourself lucky if you found the really rare, anatomically-correct ones. Those were very controversial.
We traded them like baseball cards, which only added to the fun.
Help me out here. If you remember the M.U.S.C.L.E. men, tell me why you think they became so popular.
