Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Pigs Allegedly Smarter Than They Look

A recent article in the New York Times describes some recent experiments that show pig intelligence may be greater than we had ever imagined. According to the article, pigs may be as smart as monkeys and dolphins.

The only problem for pigs – and it’s a very serious one – is that they are FAR more delicious than monkeys or dolphins.

Now, to be fair, I’ve never eaten monkey or dolphin, and I’m not interested in trying. Monkeys look a little too much like people. Dolphins are basically swimming dogs. I would feel pretty bad about eating either of them.

But pigs make bacon, and bacon is awesome. So my question is:

How could something so smart make itself so goddamn delicious?

Bacon, ham, pork shoulder, pork rinds, shredded BBQ pork, sweet ‘n sour pork, moo shu pork, pork sausages. The list goes on and on. And on.

And on.

Piggies are tasty.

Whose idea was it to have bacon as part of your body? Not a smart move Mr. Piggy.

On one hand, it’s a brilliant move. They have made themselves a highly desirable species of livestock. We feed and raise millions and millions of pigs a year. But on the other hand, it’s incredibly, indescribably, hopelessly stupid.

We eat millions and millions of them every month of every year.

Now as far as intelligent animals are concerned, monkeys and dolphins are not quite so lovable as to be very popular pets. And so they’re forced to struggle for survival out in the wild – with no manmade coats to wear during the winter, and no manmade treats to eat when they behave well or do something cute. Dogs, have the manmade coats and the crunchy treats, but they’re still widely considered a delicacy in some parts of the world – apparently, they’re not lovable enough not to eat.

Sorry doggies. Apparently you need to evolve to be just a little less delicious.

And so I’d argue that cats are the smartest animals around. We keep them as pets, and nobody - I mean nobody - wants to eat them. Although they probably taste like chicken.

Very cute. Not at all tasty.

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JG said...

some people eat cats


The Mill said...

Indeed. Although in all fairness to George W. Bush, that kitten looks irresistibly delicious.

Jason said...

You have a great site here. I have a humor blog as well. I'd like to exchange links with you to help spread some traffic around for both of us.

New York

The Mill said...

Thanks Jason. I'll check out your site. And the Good Lord knows I could use the help with some traffic.